Do you live in a Joint family or Nuclear family?
Usually cultures, traditions, ancestral practices, nationwide practices based on religion or even family based practices define the way we live our modern lives. Modernity amalgamates with these older ways of living and then forms the general unwritten rules that dominate our lives. Cultures and traditions have positive impact and are talked highly amongst intellectual circles. Some of the practices also form the way politics works in a nation. Religion and caste politics is somehow based on the sectarian aspects of culture alone. Although culture and tradition are spoken of highly in every nation, it can never be denied that culture has usually played the role of a misdirected arrow that never misses its mark and has struck down the very basis of humanity in many ways. We shall examine culture at a very family and personal level. It is this very poison of culture that roles up at the sect level, district level, state level and nation level that goes to define corruption and misuse of power in many ways. Let us dive directly into the waters of such cultures.
Countries like India have a very huge population that defines almost 20-25% of the entire world consumer market. The greatest dent that is created in such nations is through weapons manufactured out of culture and tradition. We live in a hypocritical world. A true soul-seeker may agree with me. When one becomes aligned with spirit, one shall see the real faces hiding behind these masks. For example, in a Joint-family system, as is the case in many towns and villages in India, people use culture to hide their selfishness and greed. They use it like a weapon, just as advertisers use ads based on culture and traditions to sell products which have nothing to do with the traditions that they seem to promote in their ads. In a family, where there are fathers, uncles, nephews, nieces and grandparents living together, each older member of the family encourages the younger ones in the family to respect them. They demand respect, as a matter of culture and tradition. This gets ridiculous most times. A drunkard father, spends his money on friends and on cheap sources of entertainment. When such a father returns home, he puts on a sober face, although drunk. The mother orders the children to serve their father. The grandfather of the household plays cards with the good for nothing neighbors. He gambles in a clouted manner and then he advises the children of the house through misconstrued stories from the Ramayana and the Gita, which he has consumed in the most distorted manner from his undeserving parents. This is culture or rather this is the way culture proliferates in the modern world.
There are uncles of households, who have spent their father’s money on businesses without care, on things that have never worked. They have used the money on useless pursuits. Many of them use and manipulate credit card amounts and become huge debtors. They have become broke. Now their children, have learnt some lessons from their parents and are even good enough to support their unworthy parents. These children, being rich now, demand respect out of their not-so-rich cousins. They have made their unworthy parents as mascots for drawing respect from the rest of the community or their so-called extended families. Now these cousins and their parents, expect respect from the larger family; from the uncle’s brother’s sons and daughters, although this old man does not deserve even to be kicked. Why does he and his rich children demand respect you may ask? Oh, you do not know of the cultures and traditions of this particular country? You need to go and study history to understand how the children of yore served the elders of the family.
Today, the level of hypocrisy is such that they do not deserve but yet they desire, it’s their birth-right because you are part of the “rich” heritage of a so-called nation. How can such a nation, at ground zero, ever prosper? What values do parents have? Do these so-called “guardians”, know anything about heritage or culture? One must understand that true culture is born out of the spirit. It cannot belong to the “past”. True culture is the flowering of the spirit. It has nothing to do with ancestors or traditions. Tradition and ancestry is born out of the graves of unworthy people of the world who have followed practices, which never meant anything to them. The older practices of culture have been transferred from generation to generation sans spirit. Hence we have been unnecessarily holding on to the coffins of decayed “culture”, which is supposed to be dumped into the fathomless sea of nescience. One has to be clear that rather than following culture, it is important to unlearn and become innocent once again. If one is in need of culture of some authenticity, one needs to know the art of connecting with the spirit. Only a heart that has connected with the spirit can live by true culture and nurture it.
What is required of elders is to first accept a humble position of “I do not know”. Only then can new possibilities be explored. The moment one becomes empty and unassuming, can one begin one’s journey into the field of the spirit and discover the dimensions of true culture. Once, one is connected to the spirit, the job of the elders is to show that path to their wards. Only if such a system emerges can culture remain intact, fresh, even if a millennium passes by.
Toxic Family is a family that hurts one’s alignment to Truth. It is a family of hypocrites where each member is trying to take advantage of another individual on the basis of blood or other familial relationship.
If one’s family member is trying to take advantage of the younger members in the name of culture and the elders themselves violate the rules of straightforwardness and Truth, you come to know that you belong to a toxic family
The best way to deal with a toxic family member is to avoid them and any confrontation with them. The main point is that you need to be committed to your set of principles of hypocrisy and false cultural practices. As you outgrow the limits of the family, it is better to cut off any relationships with these members so that your character remains pure, driven by principles of Truth
Why not? We have to understand that one’s life is not run by family members. Family members are a provision given by the Almighty so that you are nurtured and in return you serve them for the good beings that they are. They are no different from outsiders if they are to take advantage of you, treating you as someone who is supposed to carry out duties and they continuing to neglect their responsibilities towards you. The philosophy is simple, you get what you deserve. This is the universal law. There is no need to feel guilty about it. Only thing is that one needs to maintain one’s humility always.
A toxic mom is one who does not instill values into her children. Moms have to be pillars of strength.If moms gossip, complain, bitch about others, fill poison amongst other elders in their children, such moms are toxic by all means. Such moms can ruin the lives of their children.